


Lost

by SamanthaM_M



Series: The Truth [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dark, F/M, Feels, I ship them to hell and back, Missing Scene, i dont care if incest, lolol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-07 17:38:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5465129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaM_M/pseuds/SamanthaM_M
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he took off his helmet something stirred inside her and it wasn´t necessarrily a bad feeling</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What lies underneath

**Author's Note:**

> I saw Force awakens twice already and damn, I´m going to see it three times in a cinema cause I bloody love them. I also don´t feel sorry for writing this piece cause I just have a lot of feelings about them

She gasped for air loudly. The face under the mask was anything else than what she expected. There was no monster. Just a young man, vulnerable and boyish. Something seemed weirdly familiar about his face, as if she’s seen it somewhere before, but she couldn’t remember. Then again, this wasn’t the right time to think about his face, no matter how handsome she found him. Well, maybe that was the problem. Because the moment he took the helmet off his head she stared to see him more like a human being and less like an evil creature. 

So it didn’t surprise her that much when she pushed him away with force and looked into his mind to see spark of affection he had for her. Yes, there was a lot of confusion, chaos and fear in him, but that small amount of passion was enough to set her off track. The touch of his gloved hand sent shivers down her spine and made her head spin. For his physical proximity and light touches started something new in her naïve and pure heart. But when he leaned closer and gently kissed her, she felt the same hesitation in him. And they were both lost.


	2. What could have been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does Rey know of her own heart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you gonna love me cause I just wrote another chapter? Feel free to criticise my poor feeble soul

_“You need a teacher. I could show you the ways of the Force.”_

She trembles at those words and it’s only for her strong knees that she doesn’t fall. Because within she already started to fall. He is right. It’s only been few days since she found out the Force was real and not only a legend and she already felt the pull of the Dark side. Damn, she doesn’t even know what Light side is yet and she’s already infected with this baneful draw to the Dark. In that moment, she wavers. She isn’t sure if she was drawn by the Dark side or just Kylo Ren himself. Maybe the physical attraction she had for him caused all this mess. Because it hurt deep down inside her young heart that the man who she witnessed to kill his own father in cold blood evoked feelings in her. Those feelings, so dangerously similar to love. She hears a bunch of voices shriek and laugh in her mind. Love? You know nothing of love, oh, sweet child of mine. This man, this murderer standing in front of you, is the closest you have ever been to love. And for that fading and weak image of love she hesitates for a second. Join the Darkness, be with him and taste his lips again. But then she realizes how awfully inexperienced she is when it comes to matters of her own heart, which never ever had to make a decision this hard. The only thing she can rely on right now is the Force. So she does.

And she pushes his lightsaber away and they continue to fight. But they are both painfully aware of what could have been if she said yes and it is clearly written in his pale, beautiful face. His cheek is scarred by her lightsaber and he falls. The ground between them shatters. They cannot fight anymore. She runs back to unconscious Finn, knowing that if she ever meets Kylo Ren again, she will have to kill him to end that burning temptation that were his eyes to her.


	3. Safe and not so sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The worst deeds usually starts with the best intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listening to Lana Del Rey´s Dark Paradise I wrote another chapter taking place after the final battle. Hope you people enjoy!

She is pacing the room and the sound of her own boots on hard floor is infuriating her. Finn is still unconscious and in care of med staff. They say he will be alright, that he will be better soon, but she doesn´t feel relief hearing those words. That´s another thing making her irritated. He tried to save her, he helped her, he was actually there for her… and yet, here she stands, feeling ungrateful, because another man is on her mind. The one she should not be thinking about in a first place. She´s thinking about that desperate plea in a voice of another man, who begged her to become his apprentice. The man who killed one of her few newfound friends, the man who tortured her, and the man who wouldn´t stop at anything to get what he wanted. That was all there was to him. Nothing more. 

Then why she cannot get rid of his image that floats behind her eyelids every time she closes her eyes? Why is she worried more about him than poor Finn? He told her she couldn´t sleep at night. And she truly can´t. Even now, safe at the Resistance´s base under the supervision of general Organa. In one last attempt to calm herself, she engulfs herself in the Force. Suddenly she feels something, the slightest pull in her mind, a distant echo of a voice that sounds so sweet to her ears. She opens her eyes and stands quickly. Her head is spinning and she´s choking on her own spit. Because she knows that voice, she knows that feeling and with all the determination she can gather she tries to persuade herself to hate that voice; that man, that everything. 

 

He is lying and barely conscious of his surroundings. His mind is hazy from a massive blood loss. His wounds are being tended by droids and somewhere in the distance he can hear Hux´s voice, gloating as usual. He doesn´t even remember how he was saved, but it doesn´t matter for the moment. Just right before he drifts off to sleep, he feels a sudden change in the Force. It bears an unmistakable signature he knows so well – both of the girl and the Dark side. Faint smile flicks across his face. He was sure next time he would be successful, because he doubts she realizes she began to sow seed of darkness in her own mind.


	4. I need you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes we fail those we love, sometimes we fail ourselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shit because I wasn´t in the right mood, but I hope I will find strenght to carry on

_“I can’t finish your training properly, if you keep hiding secrets from me, Rey.”_

She kept hearing those words. Before leaving for good, she felt her new master was disappointed with her in some way. Not because she wasn’t a good pupil. She was everything his first apprentice wasn’t – calm, kind and full of light. But deep down he sensed something she was trying to hide even from herself and she wouldn’t let him see it at any costs. Master Luke told her she wasn’t ready to leave and fight on her own, but she felt like she couldn’t stay any longer. She kept telling herself it was because she wanted to avenge Han Solo, closest to a family she ever knew. She needed to find Kylo Ren and fight him to death, not let him run and live this time. Not to let him enter her mind and her heart and leave a complete mess behind.

***

He is without his mask again. She can see the scar she inflicted upon his sharp cheekbone. He looks at her cautiously, for now he knows how dangerously skilled she is with her lightsaber. The silence lays heavily between them and even though he can’t see her thought anymore, he senses a slight shift in the Force. And then he is shocked when she drops her lightsaber and comes to him, unarmed. She stands in front of him. He understands without her having to say a single word. His arms are around her, she presses to his chest and their lips search for each other. He smiles, because his master was right. She came to him by herself, she sought the Dark.


	5. Mistaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even Kylo makes mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m a piece of trash... I saw TFA THREE TIMES in a fucking cinema and I spent 13 euros just for tickets.... and I also wrote more of this

She was there. Lying in his bed. _His bed._ And he just sat there, staring at her and he didn´t know what to do. The path of the Darkness offered him security and assurance, but he felt none of it. It was quite the opposite – he was sinking into the sand of doubt. Headache was throbbing loudly behind his temples, yet he didn´t do anything to reduce the annoying pain. He needed to think and pain was helping him concentrate. Or at least that´s what he believed.

He should have taken her to Snoke immediately. That was the order. Yet he wanted to oppose his master, his supreme leader and train her himself, teach her and keep her. He didn´t want to share her and her incredible power, which must have risen after her training with Luke Skywalker. If it was up to his choice, he would take her to other end of galaxy and… that gnawing feeling hit him again. What would he do with her? Marry her? Have a child with her? His offer to teach her and show her the ways of the Force was genuine, but he had no idea how he would carry it out once she agreed. It was driving him mad, he was being torn apart again, and he once more felt the pull of the light. Now, when she came to him willingly to join the Dark and stand alongside him. If he wasn´t scared to wake her up, he would pull out his lightsaber and take out his anger on anything that was near. Because he was slowly realizing how wrong he was – he never wanted her to fall to the Dark, he never wanted her to follow him on this path filled with loneliness and suffering, he never wanted anything of this for her and she still came to him anyway.


	6. Breaking point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Rey was wrong, what if it all was for nothing... what if

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it´s Christmas, 10 °C outside and welcome to Reylo hell!

She senses he is not alright. He´s always been volatile, unstable and impulsive, but this time it´s different. Even without diving into his mind she understands something´s wrong. They´ve been together for several weeks, hiding in an old base at some backwater planet far away from his allies. He didn´t teach her anything, didn´t show her a single way of the Force like he promised. She wants to be with him so desperately she left her master and abandoned her training and yet they barely talk. She wishes to read his thoughts but she´s scared he will push her away just as he does physically when she tries to hug him in the evening. Getting close to him wasn´t supposed to be an easy task and she´s not about to lose her temper, but she also needs to know what is going on. He learnt to hide his secrets so well she cannot recognize the battle within him. It is terrifying how a man whose face used to reflect every single one of his emotions, now manages to cover it so perfectly.

***

He watches her sleep. She is vulnerable when she´s dreaming. Peaceful. And he knows she´s worried, confused and sad. She came to him to not be alone and all he did since her arrival was rejecting her. He didn´t want her to see the fight going on in him. The fight between the Light and the Dark. She is beautiful. Pure. And his. But he doesn´t desire to spoil her, to wreck her. He wants to cherish her, comfort her and provide for her. So he makes a decisions. Hardest one he ever had to make, but is there anything he wouldn´t do for her? And she is still asleep.

***

When she wakes up, she immediately feels she is in motion. She quickly rises from her bunk and realizes she is aboard Millenium Falcon. Kylo is navigating the ship. Ben, his name is Ben, she berates herself inwardly and moves towards him to ask what he´s doing. He doesn´t even turn to face her and she is knocked out by the Force and lying on Falcon´s floor helplessly.


	7. What goes around...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end they both know it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish you a Merry Christmas and hope you hate me enough to join the Dark side :)

The world is spinning lazily around her. It´s almost funny, she thinks, how everything is blurred around the edges and she can hear high-pitched and worried voices in her head. Then she remembers her head isn´t exclusively hers anymore, since she decided to share it with him – alongside with her heart and soul and everything she could offer him. Things clear up a bit and she sees faces – a lots of unknown faces, but there are two which she recognizes. Poe and Finn! Her friends! But before she can say hi to them and how much she misses them, there is someone else she cares about first. Where is he? And then she sees him.

***

He´s kneeling on the ground in front of his mother, general Organa. Tears are streaming down her face, but otherwise there is no sign of forgiveness or mercy. It´s not like he was expecting any. Not after what he´s done. There were certain prices he had to pay for atrocities he committed and he´s aware of that. He looks his mother straight in the eyes, not in search for something they both know she can´t provide for him, but for something else. He seeks assurance she will be okay and taken care of. General Organa nods and guards grab him. His breath hitches when he imagines what is he facing at the moment – lifetime imprisonment at best, exile and complete isolation at worst case. He could pretty easily never see her again. He tries to plead with his mother again, but she´s already walking away. He manages to kick one of his guardians and turns around to look for her. And she´s there, standing just a few steps from him. He enters her mind one last time, trying to explain what he did and why. Her reaction is not dissimilar to his mother´s – tears are dripping from her beautiful eyes, but she still stands tall and strong, as if she´s made of steel. He´s sure she will stay that way even if they never meet again, she´ll stay strong for him, no matter how much her heart is being broken at that exact moment.

The guards are dragging him away and he can´t fight them for much longer. So instead of pointless resistance he tries to look at her for the last time.

 _“I love you!”_ He shouts.

 _“I know.”_ Is her answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys, I´m not writing any more of this. But I have some amazing ideas for another Reylo fics in mind, so don´t you worry!


End file.
